So, Charlotte has developed a rather… interesting habit of very seriously needing to tell me things, much like a guilty party confessing to a crime. A typical exchange goes something like this:
Charlotte: “Mommy, I need to tell you something.”
Me: “Ok, what’s up?”
Charlotte: “The thing that I need to tell you is (insert long, dramatic pause before the big reveal) I ate a bagel for lunch.”
Me: “Oh. Well, I made your lunch, so I already knew that.”
Talk about a letdown! From her serious tone and apprehensive look on her face, I thought this was going to be big, troubling news, like she had hacked into the school’s grading system, had changed all her grades, and was being expelled.
I pretty quickly learned that these confessions were not particularly life-altering and that Charlotte just enjoys being dramatic. Some more examples to underline this:
“Mommy, I have to tell you something. The thing that I have to tell you is that Barkley barked at a squirrel outside.”
“Mommy, I have to tell you something. The thing that I have to tell you is that Penelope and I are wearing matching jammies.”
(In the bath): “Mommy, I have to tell you something. The thing that I have to tell you is that when I put bubbles between my hands, it looks like a sandwich.”
Thank you, Captain Obvious. I have eyes and ears, too, so it really isn’t necessary to highlight these everyday events. I am somewhat worried that she is just lulling me into complacency with these meaningless confessions so that I won’t notice when she finally DOES confess something of importance.
Charlotte: “Mommy, I have to tell you something. The thing that I have to tell is you is that I bought a one-way ticket to Nepal with your credit card and I’m leaving to climb Mount Everest.”
Me (absently): “Oh, that’s great, honey, thanks for telling me.”