Second-Guessing

Well, last week was quite a week. My aunt, Barbara, was staying with us, and her visit couldn’t have happened at a better time. After Penelope had that reaction to her antibiotics, I was feeling a bit… on edge. It reminded me that unexpected things will continue to pop up with Penelope’s health. We don’t know what the future holds for her, and I wasn’t too pleased to have that brought to my attention again. Especially since, on Tuesday, she became feverish and irritable again, and I was afraid that her strep throat had come back. I was terrified that I would be forced to make a difficult decision: do I put her on a different antibiotic and just hope she doesn’t react or develop Stevens-Johnson syndrome? Or do leave the strep untreated, causing her to feel unwell for a prolonged period of time and risking rheumatic fever? It felt like it would be an impossible choice to make, and that I would be second-guessing myself no matter what I decided.

Thankfully, our pediatrician agreed to see us that day. This is not something that would normally happen. Appointments with him are usually booked weeks, if not months, in advance. I left a message with the office nurse, asking for advice and about the possibility of Penelope getting seen that day. I don’t know what went on behind the scenes, but I got a call back, asking if I could bring her in right away, and our doctor would see her. I was incredibly grateful for this, because I trust this doctor, and I knew he would help me make the right treatment decision for her. In the end, he felt that it was just a virus this time around, and so we did not need to even consider antibiotic treatment. As well, he is going to arrange for allergy testing to be done, so at least we can find out if she is at risk for an anaphylactic reaction to any medications.

I also made some decisions last week about going back to work and about Penelope’s child care arrangements, which I will get into detail about later this week. Suffice it to say, though, that I did a lot of second-guessing about that, and will probably continue to do so for the foreseeable future.

This parenting gig is a tough one. I am not the most decisive person to begin with, and when it comes to making decisions about my family’s future, well, my feelings of uncertainty and doubt are about tripled. I know all I can do is make the best choice based on the information I have right now, and then be flexible in the future if things aren’t working out the way I thought they would. Though, I don’t know, maybe that’s not all I can do. Maybe there’s a better way. Or maybe not. I don’t know, I can’t decide.

It was pretty easy to decide to post this photo, because she is so cute!

It was pretty easy to decide to post this photo, because she is so cute!

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2 thoughts on “Second-Guessing

    • Thanks, Paula! That’s exactly how I made this decision- I had a gut feeling about what was the right thing to do, and I went with it. I’m nervous that my gut might be wrong, but there’s only one way to find out!

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